z'ville to c'ville

i heart...

2012-02-14T04:12:00.000-08:00

valentine's day!!

happy valentine's day to all those we love and adore!

::family portrait::

2012-02-07T14:24:00.000-08:00

finn has just started drawing the typical first people drawings...a big head with big eyes and stick arms and legs. with no body of course.

i love these drawings SO much. i remember being so excited when lily started doing these and i am equally thrilled to see finn making these same drawings. i treasure them.

finn drew this one today. it is our family. if you wonder who the big person is, it is Goliath, naturally. finn is obsessed right now. he looks ominous. i guess our family had better beware...

party!

2012-02-06T17:20:00.000-08:00

lily's fifth birthday party was wonderful.

thank you to all of her sweet friends who attended! she felt so loved...

for my little birdie.

2012-02-01T06:00:00.000-08:00

he adds sunshine to every moment of my day...

::lovely::

2012-01-30T12:28:00.000-08:00

we are so thankful for an amazing week we just spent with family at the beach.

it was beautiful in every way. finn and lily spent lots of time in the "deep deep" with their aunts and uncles. crosby received so much love from everyone. we all enjoyed lots of beverages pool side and loved every minute of sunshine that was poured down upon us. it was blissful and passed by far too quickly.

but, as finn told lily while we were there, you have to "enjoy your life." so, even though it was so hard to leave, we enjoyed every minute of it while there and are going to enjoy thinking back on it now that we are home.

thank you, smith family for a amazing vacation!!!!

FIVE!!!

2012-01-29T12:57:00.000-08:00

oh my sweet lily!

happy happy birthday! it is so hard to believe that five years ago you made your beautiful entrance into this world. i can hardly remember my life without you...you have brought so much joy and love into our lives. we are so unbelievably blessed to be your parents.

as you turn five, you are filled with spunk, personality, compassion, tenderness and sensitivity. you are the most amazing big sister and are constantly teaching and loving your brothers. they both adore you with all that they are and absolutely love being in your presence.

you have grown so much over the last year and i am amazed to see all you are learning on a daily basis. your heart is so big and has so much love and care for all those around you. it is so much fun to see you becoming such a big and independent girl and i am so excited for what this year holds for us.

we love you with all that we are. you are such a gift to us.

happy birthday, lily lu!!

love,

your mama and daddy

::adore::

2012-01-16T14:08:00.001-08:00

::big man::

2012-01-09T16:06:00.000-08:00

loving being so big and sitting at the table with lily and finn.

happy 10 months, cros!!

::christmas extravaganza:: (a photo recap)

2012-01-03T18:20:00.000-08:00

we had an amazing whirlwind trip to z'ville for christmas. it was absolutely wonderful to be surrounded by family and it was so hard to say goodbye. we had two christmas parties, two christmas celebrations, weddings, time with friends and lots of precious time with family. thank you so much to all of our family for making it such a beautiful christmas!

i missed capturing some of the highlights on film, but here is a little recap of our time at home...

getting ready to head to the christmas eve service.

it was so wonderful to get to meet baby quinn and it was awesome to have all of these colony woods kids together! hard to believe that between us we have 8 kids! so good to see you, wrights and smiths!

wonderful christmas celebrations.

and one of the best parts was seeing our kids with griffin and diego. they loved being together and lily loved corralling the boys and looking out for them. i LOVED hearing griff call lily "ninnie"...it immediately took me back 3 years to when lily called herself that. so very sweet...

we love you all so much.

happy new year!

::christmas came a bit early::

2011-12-17T18:35:00.000-08:00

since we are going to be out of town on christmas day, we decided to celebrate early so we could have a special day together as a family.

our kids are at such a fun age and were so grateful and excited about the whole morning.

we just finished reading charlotte's web with lily and she has been so hoping for a pig of her own. her excitement was absolutely palpable when she pulled her very own "wilbur howden smith" out of her stocking. she adores her new pig. adores.

crosby d's first christmas celebration. what a gift you are, big man.

merry christmas to you all!!

::sweet nativity::

2011-12-15T16:56:00.000-08:00

complete with a live llama, chicken, donkey and baby goat. the kids loved it!

2011-12-12T12:07:00.000-08:00

2011-12-11T17:07:00.001-08:00

making a gingerbread house is not nearly as easy as it looks!!

::weekend::

2011-12-06T17:26:00.000-08:00

2011-12-02T11:26:00.001-08:00

is this so wrong??

2011-11-28T11:01:00.000-08:00

the weather here has been amazing.

it seemed so strange to be putting up a christmas tree and wearing shorts. but, you better believe i've been loving it!

our kids were playing with the hose yesterday and both ended up soaked. they wanted to take their wet pants off and keep playing.

classy, right??

oh, and a little shout out for all my howden family -- the day before thanksgiving, lily said, "mama, isn't about time we started singing for health and food and loving friends?"

yes, it is girl! :)

::traditions::

2011-11-27T08:52:00.000-08:00

there are few traditions i hold more dearly from childhood than those surrounding the christmas season...

going to my grandma's house on christmas-eve-eve to have a family dinner.

waiting on the landing with mugs of steaming hot chocolate with excited anticipation of what waited for us downstairs.

the big family christmas party at our house every christmas afternoon.

as our family has grown and our kids are getting a bit older, we have been excited to create some traditions of our own. however, there are some from childhood that are too wonderful not to be passed on.

my grandfather, poppy, used to read twas the night before christmas for us every christmas eve. i remember such a giddy excitement growing within me as he read. i would feel so safe, so tucked in, so loved, and so eager for santa's arrival.

my parents recorded that story for our kids in a book and we got it out yesterday as we decorated. finn has carried the book everywhere with him and hearing my parents' voices read that familiar story from all corners of our house has made me so happy. we will most certainly enjoy it in the days to come and especially on christmas eve.

and every holiday season, we would make ornaments as a family from a salt and flour dough. they are truly some of my favorite ornaments and my dad's enormous and beautiful santa still tops our family tree proudly. looking back at the handmade ornaments tells such a story and reminds me so much of growing up.

so, this year, we mixed up the dough and set to work. lily and finn loved it and i love our new additions to the tree. i am sure in years to come we will reminisce about these ornaments and our last christmas in this home. and it will bring such wonderful memories...

::so much to be thankful for::

2011-11-24T16:44:00.000-08:00

happy thanksgiving!

we hope you all have had a wonderful day today. we are sending our love from c'ville!

we had a restful and relaxing day and i am overwhelmed by all we have to be thankful for this year.

we missed our family dearly and wish we could have seen everyone today. but, we did have a sweet day celebrating just the 5 of us.

crosby's first turkey trot and first thanksgiving!

(he didn't seem to mind the trot at all!)

a thanksgiving-eve viewing of a charlie brown thanksgiving. the kids were in heaven snuggled with us and eating popcorn.

the kids were so excited for the feast that they waited at the table for about 30 minutes prior to us eating. they were especially excited for the "treat pie!" they couldn't wait to choose between pumpkin and apple...in the end, they of course chose both! :)

we are so thankful for all of you! much love!

and on a sweet note of thankfulness, tonight we went around the table telling what we were thankful for. after we had gone around once, lily said, "i am thankful for God."

and then finn said, "in my crib today i prayed to God and told him i loved Him."

oh my heart about melted. sweet boy of ours...

::my little lumberjacks::

2011-11-18T12:16:00.000-08:00

and yes, finn is this much of a ham.

::we have arrived::

2011-11-15T18:27:00.000-08:00

i can officially say that crosby is sleeping through the night. hallelujah!!

i prematurely thought we were there a while ago (oops!) but can now truly say we are sleeping all night.

after 10 1/2 months, it feels like heaven. i think it will take us a few weeks to truly catch up, but i am so happy with the forward progress!

good work, big guy!!

::thankful::

2011-11-14T15:52:00.000-08:00

i am so thankful.

ryan had a conference this past weekend in las vegas. he was provided with the funding to go and my parents SO very generously offered to come watch our kids so that i could accompany him.

it was an amazing getaway together.

i was so caught up being carefree that i neglected to take any pictures. but, maybe it is better that way.

vegas was pretty crazy and not exactly what i had pictured. but, the cherished uninterrupted time ryan and i had together was exactly what i had dreamed of.

thank you SO much, mom and dad! we love you!!!

trick or treat!

2011-10-31T19:14:00.000-07:00

happy halloween!

swoon.

2011-10-28T11:00:00.000-07:00

before finn was born, i remember feeling sad that my love would be divided and lily would not receive as much undivided attention from me.

fast forward a few years and the bond between the two of them is so amazing and beautiful that i cannot even fathom entertaining that worry again.

as crosby has gotten older and more of his personality has emerged, it has been absolutely wonderful to watch his relationship grow with lily and finn. he.adores.them. truly. adores. his whole face lights up when they enter a room and his mood can go from sour to contented just by seeing them.

i especially love it when lily or finn has time alone with crosby. it is so sweet to see the tenderness they have for him.

finn was pretty thrilled with himself this morning when crosby was laughing hysterically at his antics...

::our little warrior::

2011-10-25T11:41:00.000-07:00

on sunday, ryan, duke and i completed the tough mudder.

let me tell you...it was tough.

but amazing.

we traversed about 10 miles up and down wintergreen's mountains all while completing 25 obstacles.

we climbed over walls. we dove into pools of ice water. walked balance beams precariously placed over pools. hung from cargo nets. walked through fire (literally). swung (and did not fall) from monkey bars. and ended with a bang as we ran through 10,000 volts of electricity.

it took such mental grit and camaraderie. i never could have completed it without ryan and duke. we each helped one another at various points and we all had our tough and weak moments. we were able to help total strangers and encourage people we had never met before.

it was one of the hardest things i have physically endured.

but, it was nothing in comparison to what crosby (and duke) went through in the NICU. we were so thankful to be able to raise money to support the march of dimes all in thanks to generous donations from our family and friends. and we were so thankful to be able to give back in a tiny way for all the care crosby received while in the NICU. and it could not have meant more to us that duke came all the way here to be a part of our team, to support us, and to help contribute to the goal of giving back to the march of dimes.

it felt so full circle to complete the course together, especially with duke by our side. to see his strength and health as we worked together gives me such hope for the man crosby will be one day.

thank you duke and ryan for being such an amazing team.

and thank you so very much to our friends and family for helping us to give back to those who supported us so much this spring. we could not have made it without you.

thank you.

the start line. do you see duke? second row back, blue shirt, red headband.

how amazing are these guys? whole course in suits?!

the finish!

us at the crack of dawn. and clean and shiny. not for long...

crosby, we love you so very much. your grit and toughness inspire us each and every single day. we love you, little warrior!

and of course, lily and finn. we adore you. sporting our team LFC apparel pre-race...

2011-10-24T18:07:00.000-07:00

our house was wonderfully full this past weekend.

on wednesday, kathy, brandon and nakita arrived in the wee hours of the morning. and then duke followed suit on thursday night.

it was a great weekend filled with family time, delicious meals, apple and pumpkin picking, walks and laughter.

thank you all so much for coming this weekend. it was such a sweet time of relaxation and fun.

and of course,ry, duke and i completed a big challenge too. more on that to come...

2011-10-18T06:58:00.000-07:00

lily dressed finn today.

for church on the 4th of july.

naturally.

and in case you can't tell, he is wearing two plaid shirts, plaid pants, and a plaid tie.

nom. nom. nom.

2011-10-17T17:24:00.000-07:00

do you think he's ready for solids??

(this might be his favorite place right now...to sit here and laugh at lily and finn while they eat.)

2011-10-10T10:23:00.000-07:00

sweet boy.

autumn.

2011-10-09T12:14:00.000-07:00

i have been in denial that summer is over.

even though lily is back in school and fall activities have arrived.

even though the evenings have been cooler.

even though we are well into october.

i have denied it's presence. but, this weekend, it finally hit me that it is autumn. and it actually felt good.

we went to a crosby's first soccer game and it was so much fun. lily and finn LOVED running around the grassy field and finn kept saying how much he wanted to "play soccer down there." (music to ryan's ears!)

we were so fortunate to have our picture taken with cav man. lily had to be convinced to get in the photo.

and then she had one THOUSAND questions about him afterwards.

"why is his mouth like that?"

"why does he wear those boots?"

"why are his hands white?"

"why didn't he talk?"

"where is his horse?"

we finally realized we had to explain it was just a regular old man in there wearing a costume. then, these questions ensued...

"where does he live?"

"is he cav man every day?"

"what type of car does he drive?"

"does he drive a car and ride a horse?"

"is he really a nice man?"

it's gonna be a while before we can visit you, disney world!

but, being at the soccer game really made it feel like an autumn night. it was wonderful.

then, last night, as we drove over the mountain to go camping and we saw how much the leaves were changing, it felt like fall.

and when we were surprised by how much colder it was there in the night, it really felt like fall.

crosby was a champ on his first camping adventure and lily and finn loved it.

it was cooler than we anticipated, but we had a blast. this morning, at 5:45 when finn woke us all up, lily almost threw a fit because she didn't want to have to leave and wanted to stay again tonight.

(finn was thrilled for this picture!)

welcome, autumn!

2011-10-06T10:26:00.001-07:00

love this girl.

(and the outfit she picked today.)

::joyous::

2011-10-04T12:40:00.000-07:00

i have been MIA as of late. but, i have a really good excuse.

the kids and i have been traveling a bit in the last few weeks for lots of celebratory reasons.

crosby and i went to denver to meet my amazing new nephew, diego!

it was so much fun to have a weekend with whit and ash. (you can catch whit's description of it here...and yes, i am mowing the lawn in a skirt...) it made me miss them so very very much!

and i was able to celebrate chris and katie's beautiful wedding at IU. it was beautiful and amazing. congrats!!!

and in the meantime, we spent lots of time in z'ville soaking up love from family. i was remiss in catching most of it on film, but it was wonderful...

skippy got behind-the-scenes passes for us to the zoo. the kids thought it was amazing.

i never knew walruses were so smart and loveable!!

and kathy, grandma pat, brandon, nakita and colin spent lots of time showering lily and finn in love while crosby and i went to denver.

we love and miss you all!!

2011-09-20T13:45:00.001-07:00

crosby had his 6 month checkup today.

he is over 13 1/2 lbs and almost on the growth chart!

way to grow, crosby d!

::love::

2011-09-16T06:25:00.000-07:00

i love them so much, sometimes it feels hard to breathe.

thank you, Lord.

lily & finn have recently discovered the joy of playing up on her bed. i think they feel like it is a secret hideaway. love it.

::growing team::

2011-09-12T11:25:00.000-07:00

again, a whole lotta love here.

you have to know that ryan was thrilled when he realized our kids' initials were the same as "liverpool football club." it begs the question, "is that why he thought crosby was a good name??" :)

(thanks to whit for giving crosby his first liverpool uni...ryan was beside himself when he received this gift!)

and because i couldn't resist, look how they've grown...

congrats!!!

2011-09-12T08:45:00.000-07:00

congratulations to ash, jose and griffin!!!

diego brantley guzman was born last night and he is beautiful!

i can hardly wait to have him in my arms!

we love you guys SO much!!!

::beautiful day::

2011-09-11T12:39:00.000-07:00

crosby was baptized today.

i wept.

it was beautiful. and felt like such a fulfillment of the Lord's promises and blessings.

thank you, Lord.

: a new school year::

2011-09-09T11:54:00.000-07:00

lily had her first day of pre-k today.

it makes her seem so old! last night when i was tucking her in, she said, "mama, straightaway when i wake up, can we put on my name tag?"

i think she was pretty excited for her year to start!

we went out for ice cream last night to celebrate the upcoming year.
and this morning, i felt very much like my dad as i made pancakes in the shape of "L's" and "F's" and mickey mouse and anything else simple and easy i could manage with my batter. (they were rough looking...my dad has much more finesse in the kitchen than i!)

upon pickup, she announced that, "this is going to be a really good year."

i am so thankful for a good first day!

crazy to think she will be a kindergartner next year! whoa!

:::6 months::

2011-09-07T05:00:00.000-07:00

it is hard to believe that half a year ago crosby made his tumultuous and miraculous entry into this world.

sometimes it is still hard for me to wrap my mind around everything that happened.

sometimes i still get teary eyed just looking at him or remembering the lonely nights when i had contractions through the night and felt like i was going to lose our sweet babe.

sometimes i am still in awe of the miracles God has worked in our lives.

sometimes i am overwhelmed by how blessed we are.

happy six months, crosby d! your half birthday is the best birthday gift ever!!!

::heavenly::

2011-08-30T12:14:00.000-07:00

crosby slept through the night last night.

it was A.MAZ.ING. amazing. truly.

new year's eve was when my contractions started. and since then, i have had two uninterrupted nights of sleep. every other night has been filled with contractions, or bleeding, or pumping or feeding a sweet babe.

and i really don't say that to complain. it has been a journey. and the end results are a deliciously plump and healthy baby.

but i mention all of that to say that our night's sleep last night was out of this world.

i do not think i moved an inch from 10:30 last night when we tucked crosby in until 6 am this morning. i was literally in the exact same position. and it was wonderful.

i know it might be a little bit until he is consistently sleeping through the night, but the promise of it looms ever so close on the horizon.

good job, little warrior!!!

::brotherly love::

2011-08-29T07:18:00.000-07:00

finn has a lot of love for crosby.

sometimes so much that it makes me nervous.

i often worry that i am risking crosby's life when the two of them are left alone together. so far, he has only been gentle to him...but gentle in the eyes of a two year old is occasionally different than how i view gentleness!

now that crosby is more interactive, it is even more fun for lily and finn.
this morning, finn just couldn't get enough of him...

(music purely coincidental...i guess we were rockin' this morning. but, i couldn't have put it better!)

the many faces...

2011-08-25T06:00:00.000-07:00

::love::

2011-08-24T17:06:00.000-07:00

so much love here.

and it is not just for the ice cream.

crosby.d.

2011-08-24T05:00:00.000-07:00

he makes my heart so very happy.

::laughter::

2011-08-23T10:36:00.000-07:00

shot at very close range. my apologies...

::how i love c'ville::

2011-08-21T18:25:00.000-07:00

dave matthews was here last night.

he was playing at an outdoor pavilion that is really small in terms of his typical venue.

and tickets sold out in the first 30 seconds. we were not so quick as to score tickets in those 30 seconds.

we decided the opportunity was too good to pass up and so we got delicious vegetarian sandwiches, had a picnic near the pavilion and decided to camp out to see if we could catch part of his show.

he was playing with tim reynolds and the concert was for charity. we didn't think there was any chance we would be able to get close.

but we did...

the venue was a 2 minute drive from our house. and we were able to be within a block. and it sounded like we were right under the pavilion. and we didn't pay a dime. it was amazing. the kids loved it and had a blast dancing around downtown. even crosby loved his first concert.

we have payed for it today with some tired kids, but it was well worth it.

a lot of love for c'ville!

the video quality is terrible and our kids were exhausted by this point. but you will get the picture. :)

2011-08-16T12:18:00.000-07:00

crosby's smiles have been elusive the past few weeks. you could always catch a few in the morning, but the rest of the day, they were hard to come by.

his smiles and coos are much easier to come by this week. i am loving his sweet baby noises and his emerging personality.

he is such a gift...

::a peep::

2011-08-16T12:04:00.000-07:00

lily and finn are best buds right now.

they certainly have their skirmishes and they can definitely try to antagonize one another. but, overall, they both really want to be with the other.

we have been working really hard on speaking respectfully around these parts and lily had a stretch of several days where she did an excellent job. we told her that if she continued to speak kindly for the rest of the day last friday, she and finn could have a "sleepover."

they previously had a sleepover in july and lily has been longing for another. while they kids considered the sleepover a success, they talked for hours and were exhausted the next day. but lily loved it so much that she has asked often for another and we felt like it would be a great treat for good behavior.

she was on her best behavior the remainder of the day and they were both SO excited for the upcoming evening. lily told me she didn't even want to read books, but just be tucked right in.

we snuggled finn into his crib and lily was on an awesome biber-style pallet (think lots of blankets and pillows), told them not to talk for too long and said "good night." as we were headed out the door, lily said, "mama, do you know how many peeps you will hear from me?" and i said, "how many, lily?" and she said, "no peeps!"

the moment we walked out, we heard finn say, "hi lily!" with almost so much excitement it was palpable.

we let them chat for about an hour and then snuck in to tell them it was time to settle down.

about 30 minutes later, we heard them both chanting, "no more monkeys jumping on the bed." finn's crib was squeaking with every jump and you could hear lily's feet slamming onto the ground.

we let that continue for a bit and then told them it truly was time to settle down.

well, by 10 o'clock, the awesome sleepover had to be ended. tears followed and i felt like the worst parent to separate my kids who were just loving their secret time together. (but, we decided it was a good idea as they were both exhausted the next day!)

all that to be said, it made my heart so happy to hear them excitedly whispering (and screaming) in joy together as the hours drew on. and, we definitely heard more than "a peep" out of them!

and as a total sidenote, lily is definitely very sensitive and takes note of all emotions. whether it is the bagger at the grocery store ("mama, whey did that man have on his grouchy face?" - as we are still in earshot), to telling us which cars have "happy faces," which have "sad faces" and the worst of all, which cars have "crying faces." (who knew??), to wanting to discuss the sadness in stories or phone calls. she definitely is perceptive beyond my wildest imagination.

anyway, she has a lovie we so endearingly refer to as, "lambie." well, she actually has three of them (just in case, you know?) when she was little, she thought only one existed, but she is too wise now for our antics.

to ryan and me, all three look identical. we have been careful to rotate them often and let them all receive the same amount of loving. but not to lily...

as i was tucking her in the other day, she said, "mama, do you know who i am really missing?" (i was thinking she would mention a grandparent or aunt or uncle).

"who lily?" i said.

"smiling lambie."

hmm... i had no idea one lambie was preferred over another. i went to her drawer to pull out the other two lambies, and of course, one lambie has the slightest upturn of it's stitching by it's mouth. "smiling lambie."

thankfully, lily told me as i was walking out, "i love staring lambie, too, though." thank goodness!

how i cherish the things that come out of their mouths!

note that finn's mouth is full in every picture!

::sweet ones:;

2011-08-10T05:00:00.000-07:00

lily and finn have been imitating their mama a lot recently...

apparently i can be found laying down and patting crosby's back quite often recently!

happy anniversary!

2011-08-09T05:00:00.000-07:00

8 beautiful years have passed since ryan and i said, "i do."

they have been the most wonderful and rich years of my life.

although this year has held challenges greater than any we had yet faced, it made my love for him grow so much stronger and deeper. watching you, ryan, as we faced such uncertainty and hardship, gave me so much strength. you were a pillar of hope and faith for us during my struggles and crosby's hospital stay and i will never be able to say "thank you" enough for all you did for me during those months.

i love you more than words could express.

thank you for choosing me.

happy anniversary!!

::firetruck::

2011-08-08T17:49:00.000-07:00

we had the pleasure of helping to celebrate our friend, david's, 4th birthday last weekend.

my kids were thrilled as the local fire department arrived at the party.

the firefighters were so gracious and kind to the kids and we all learned a ton.

they let the kids climb up inside and even spray the hose. it was awesome!

happy 4th birthday, david! thank you for letting us celebrate with you!

::5 months old::

2011-08-07T05:00:00.000-07:00

crosby is 5 months old!

it is hard to believe our little warrior is so big!

as crosby passes the 5 month mark, it means that his days at home will now exceed his days spent in the NICU.

and that feels like a huge step forward.

he will have spent more days at home in the care of his family who adores him than in the hospital under the care of physicians and nurses.

and while we are forever grateful for his care at the hospital, it is oh so good to have him home.

praise be to God.

::big::

2011-08-04T08:23:00.000-07:00

i have been struck in the last few weeks by just how big lily is.

although i certainly don't think of her as my baby, i still think of her as "little."

but then she says things, or helps finn, or seems so tall, or speaks with such compassion and i am floored by how old and big she is. (and of course then she throws a fit and she feels little again!) :)

it is so bittersweet. i want to savor every minute of my kids being little. but, then i watch her right now and i am so excited for the years to come and the memories we are making.

i realized recently that she is now at the age that i start to have solid memories of my youth. and they are such fun, magical, free and creative memories and it makes me so happy for her. watching her pretend to be a dolphin in the pool transports me right back to my days spent at azionaqua. or hearing her talk about the fairies living in the house she and finn built in the basement makes my heart long for those days of make believe. and the thousands of questions she asks all day long makes me love how much she yearns for knowledge right now.

my baby is so big.
and yet so little.
and i am savoring it so much...

2011-08-03T12:15:00.000-07:00

we have have just been enjoying the hot days of summer around these parts.

we have been spending a lot of time poolside.

today finn discovered the wonder of seeing underwater with goggles. oh the joy!

and crosby went for his first swim yesterday...he loved it so much that he promptly fell asleep in the warm water.

and crosby is working diligently to get a thumb (or even just a finger) to stay in his mouth for more than a second...

::peach picking::

2011-07-27T10:20:00.000-07:00

we ate a lot of peaches today...

and lily loved running through the rows of trees pretending to find "all of the fairies!"

oh how i love summer!

::first light::

2011-07-24T11:23:00.000-07:00

::little yogis::

2011-07-22T11:08:00.000-07:00

exercising with three is not quite as simple as doing so with only two little ones.

i've had to get a bit more creative in my efforts.

and with the current heat wave, today seemed like a good day to practice some yoga.

i often save exercising until bedtime or nap time, but this morning, i decided to go for it with my whole brood wide awake.

lily and finn were both positive they needed their own yoga mats to accompany me and i could not believe that they truly followed along with the video for 20 minutes! (and put me to shame with many of their poses!)

it wasn't quite the same as practicing in a peaceful studio, but the company was oh so adorable...

::my loves::

2011-07-21T16:04:00.000-07:00

::smiles::

2011-07-18T13:12:00.000-07:00

while we were at the beach, my mom received some genuine smiles from crosby.

however, i had yet to capture them on film until now.

they are so heart warming...

::beautiful::

2011-07-17T13:12:00.000-07:00

we just spent a beautiful week at the beach surrounded by family.

we celebrated welcoming samantha into our family.

it went far too quickly and we wish we could have savored more time together. we miss you all already!!

::beach bound::

2011-07-08T11:57:00.000-07:00

we are headed to the beach for a bit to celebrate my cousin, chris, and his beautiful bride, sam's, wedding. we cannot wait to be there!

congrats in advance, chris and sam!!

::hot days of summer::

2011-07-05T12:09:00.000-07:00

we had a huge summer storm this weekend that knocked out our power for quite a while.

for the most part, we have kept crosby swaddled and warm to conserve energy. but, our house was so hot through the night, that very little clothing was needed to keep anyone warm. it was so nice to see his naked little belly for hours on end!

and look at the chub he is gaining! :)

::full circle::

2011-07-04T07:22:00.000-07:00

as we sat with crosby in the hospital, i noticed how he was wrapped in the typical newborn baby blankets you receive from the hospital. and he weighs almost exactly what finn weighed when he was born. and he had come out of surgery so well with no complications. and he just looked like a "normal" baby.

and it felt like we were really closing a chapter.

the chapter of him being a preemie.

he is so strong and so tough.

and i have no doubt that his future is so bright.

as we left the hospital just a mom and her sweet babe, it felt like we were closing a door and moving forward. and it felt so good.

and a huge thank you to my mom for coming to be with lily and finn while we were away!!

::praises::

2011-06-30T15:48:00.000-07:00

we are praising the Lord tonight for crosby's successful surgery. he is doing great and getting lots of snuggles as we recover. thank you all...

2011-06-28T04:00:00.000-07:00

we are headed back into the hospital this thursday morning.

our littlest has to have a bilateral hernia repair.

we would love prayer for crosby's surgeon and anesthesiologists.

thankfully, the procedure itself isn't too complicated. but preemies are notorious for occasionally being tricky in terms of the anesthesia and being extubated at the end of the case.

i am confident all will go well, but i have to admit that stepping foot back in the hospital and spending the night there gives me a pit in my stomach. i will be thankful for it to be over and for crosby to feel better.

thank you all SO much for your prayers!

crosby vs. the bear...

2011-06-27T17:58:00.000-07:00

crosby wins!

see how far we've come...

generations of love.

2011-06-27T03:00:00.000-07:00

it is such a beautiful thing...

thank you so much for visiting, mimi and great-grandma pat!

happy birthday, chief!!!

2011-06-26T03:00:00.000-07:00

our finn is turning two today.

i can hardly believe it.

but, then, i look at him and can hardly believe he is only two.

he speaks in huge sentences. has such an opinion. has such a big heart and a determined will. he is spunky and mischievous and adorable (and he knows it!). he keeps us on our toes and gives the most amazing hugs.

our hearts could not love him more.

finn, happy happy 2nd birthday! we love you more than words and hope that you always know how deep and wide and huge our love and the love of the Lord is for you.

happy birthday, big man!

15 weeks old and...

2011-06-23T12:05:00.000-07:00

out of preemie clothes!!!

::big man::

2011-06-22T05:00:00.000-07:00

::clearing out::

2011-06-21T13:23:00.000-07:00

today, we took our "oxygen in use" sign out of our window.

the home health man came and took away all of our monitors and tanks of oxygen.

when they originally brought all of crosby's gear, the man looked at finn and said, "now this tank could kill your son if he knocked it over," in regards to the huge looming tank in our bedroom.

awesome.

so, you had better believe we are glad to have all of this extra stuff out of our house.

crosby is doing great and is so portable and tangle-free nowadays.

every day, we thank God for the amazing progress he is making!

2011-06-20T05:00:00.000-07:00

whit took this picture while she was visiting.

and something about it just cracks me up.

i can't really put my finger on what it is...

but oh how i adore them. and how they adore each other.

happy day.

2011-06-19T14:42:00.000-07:00

happy father's day to my dad and ryan.

oh how we love you!!

2011-06-17T03:00:00.000-07:00

::homecoming::

2011-06-16T11:50:00.000-07:00

lily and finn are on the countdown for sammy to return stateside.

and they are wearing their aussie beachwear until he does...

::glow::

2011-06-14T11:23:00.000-07:00

our little glow worm no longer has to glow.

we are so excited! our pediatrician and crosby's neonatologist gave us the green light to get rid of the oxygen and both monitors!

when we were discharged, i remember telling ryan that i would probably never want to get rid of the monitor that keeps track of his oxygen saturation because it was such peace of mind...

how wrong was i???

i could practically throw both monitors out the window.

while they were fabulous at doing their very important jobs, i am so looking forward to a night of sleeping without hearing incessant beeping every time crosby moves around too much or grunts for a second. it will be wonderful.

and to have him completely unhooked and looking like a normal baby is heavenly. you've come so far, little guy!

here's to a good night's sleep tonight...

(that is if crosby doesn't wake up every hour!)

2011-06-12T12:53:00.000-07:00

when we were in the NICU, we were told that some preemies have an aversion to touch after months of being poked and prodded. it was one of the pieces of information that most broke my heart. i felt so helpless during our stay there and my touch was one of the only things i could offer crosby.

we are both overjoyed that we can most definitely report that crosby does not have an aversion to touch.

i think we are trying to make up for the weeks of being unable to hold him at any time. and it is undeniable to say that our little one loves to be snuggled.

thank goodness.

::milestones::

2011-06-09T07:25:00.000-07:00

recent resident's party

yesterday, ryan finished his last day of resident's clinic.

it would be safe to say that clinic has not been ryan's favorite part of residency. no tears were shed as he finished his day.

and today, ryan has his last day of primary call as a resident EVER! this feels like a huge milestone!

he will become a chief in a few days and it is hard to believe! his call will be more frequent, but he will be buffered by the other residents taking primary call.

ry, it has been such an honor to walk beside you through medical school and residency. i cannot believe how close you are to completing this journey. you have worked so hard and made so many sacrifices without any of the complaining i surely would have done. you are amazing. and i am so proud of you.

congrats!

tiny miracles.

2011-06-08T12:10:00.000-07:00

great strides have been made by crosby in the last week.

he has been off of oxygen for 3 days. our pediatrician said that if he can go for a week without us needing to provide him with supplemental oxygen, we can get rid of the monitors! it will feel absolutely wonderful to have an untethered baby!

when i walk around the house without carrying his monitor, lily always asks why he isn't wearing "cords." it will be such a great feeling to be "cord-free!"

and he weighs 6-5 now! our little peanut isn't so little anymore!

he has also made great progress in nursing in the last week. what was once a big struggle every time, is now feeling much more natural and easy. he used to fall asleep after a minute or two because he was lacking the energy needed to nurse. he has gotten so much stronger and more capable!

it is amazing that all of this has happened as he has made it past the 40 week gestational age.

my friend, katy, and i were talking about it this morning. how it all is just starting to "click" after he has passed his due date.

it makes me even more thankful and in awe of the wonderful 40 weeks lily and finn had inside of me to become ready for the world.

and even though crosby lacked some of those weeks, i am forever thankful for the Lord's providence and care over his life to bring him so successfully to term.

::13 weeks::

2011-06-06T17:47:00.000-07:00

::weekend::

2011-06-05T17:47:00.000-07:00

we had a really wonderful weekend doing the simple things as a family of five.

tonight after dinner, lily and finn were enjoying ice cream cones and their happiness was literally palpable. it made my heart feel so full to be enjoying the start of summer with three healthy kids under one roof. we are so blessed.

on saturday morning, we went to a local farm that we are supporting this year. we picked up our veggies and then spent time picking peas and herbs. the kids loved it and it was amazing to watch them eating peas out of their bags as if it was candy. lily was adamant when we got home that she make a cheese, pea and basil sandwich. i thought she surely would not eat it, but she ate the whole thing and then made another! it was awesome to see her take pride and ownership in her meal!

today we went out to a polo match again with our friends, the thomases. they are getting ready to move to mississippi and we wanted to enjoy the afternoon with them.

finn loved replacing the divots in between halves.

it was a great weekend...i just wish it didn't have to end so quickly!

::due date::

2011-06-04T03:02:00.000-07:00

it is hard to believe that just now have we reached our "due date." for some reason it brings me a sense of peace to know this sweet babe of ours is finally at term and meant to be here.

it certainly has not been the easiest winter and spring, but it most definitely drew us closer to one another and closer to the Lord.

and i am so thankful that we've been so blessed as to know our sweet crosby for about 13 weeks now.

he is perfect.

Isaiah 40:31

New International Version (NIV)

³¹ but those who hope in the LORD
   will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
   they will run and not grow weary,
   they will walk and not be faint.

::heartwarming::

2011-06-02T03:00:00.000-07:00

as our littlest gets closer to his due date, he is starting to do things that seem very age appropriate (such as confusing his nights with his days!)

while i don't think this was a true smile, i was thrilled to catch it on film!

::baby burrito::

2011-06-01T10:43:00.000-07:00

tucking crosby into bed has involved two monitors, oxygen, often two sets of clothes, a swaddle sack, a blanket and a hat.

although seeing him all cozy and snug made my mom and whit feel claustrophobic, we think he looks like the cutest baby burrito ever!

::polo::

2011-05-31T10:00:00.000-07:00

while my mom and whit were visiting, we had the opportunity to go to a polo match at a local vineyard.

i had never been to a polo match before, and it was amazing.

the backdrop was picturesque and the company was wonderful. lily and finn loved every minute of it and we definitely plan to go back again soon. we heard finn say all afternoon "people on horses' backs!" and lily stated that she wanted to "stay there forever." (that was about 20 minutes prior to her saying she was "roasting" and "dripping" and needed to get in the car.)

we will definitely enjoy another match again soon!

::room air::

2011-05-31T03:00:00.000-07:00

over the weekend, crosby pulled his nasal cannula off in the night. i awoke to find his oxygen saturation in the high 90's and the oxygen blowing on his eyes.

we decided we'd try to see if he could continue on room air.

for the first few nervous hours, we kept the cannula on his face, but turned off. but as the day persisted, i got antsy to see his face completely free from accessories. he made it almost a whole day without needing supplemental oxygen! he became a bit worn out by the end of the day and is now back on his oxygen, but we know we are getting close now! hooray!!

2011-05-30T17:45:00.000-07:00

memorial day in c'ville brought a heatwave.

we have some great city pools and we decided it was time to take our first trip today. unfortunately, the pools were at capacity due to the heat and we had to head back home defeated.

thankfully, our kids were thrilled by the sprinkler and they spent a long time running through it.

we have a small hole in our front yard that has taunted both lily and finn since they learned to walk. they both notoriously choose the route through the front yard that takes them over the hole.

as the sprinkler ran, the hole filled with water. lily and finn thought it was awesome and finn thought it was more than just muddy water...

you can hear him saying "special drink...special drink right here" a few times...he was convinced he had created chocolate milk in his own backyard!

::visitors::

2011-05-30T12:18:00.000-07:00

as the fog is lifting from our last several months, i feel i can finally see the forest for the trees.

we have had so many wonderful visitors who have come to support and help us, but i have neglected to catch much of it on film.

this past weekend, duke, whit and my mom all came to visit and i was determined not to let another visit go by unrecorded. it was wonderful for each of them to hold crosby for the first time. it made my heart swell...

and of course, lily and finn got lots of love, too.

we already miss you guys! thank you SO much for coming!

::growing::

2011-05-27T11:16:00.000-07:00

5 1/2 pounds!!

::learning to ride::

2011-05-23T18:34:00.000-07:00

lily has been really excited for a "pedal bike" and today we decided it was time to go for it.

somehow we were able to convince her that a blue bike that says "major damage" was better than the pink princess bike with attached baby carriage. (she has two brothers to follow...can you blame us? we did get a sweet pink basket for the front, though!)

so, that means finn has graduated to the balance bike and he could not be more thrilled!

we got a pair of goggles for finn because we knew he would be quite sad if only lily had a pair this summer. he put them on as soon as we left the store, through dinner and putting on jammies. they were completely fogged up, but he still insisted. he wore them right until he got in bed. he's ready for the pool...

happy.

2011-05-20T07:11:00.000-07:00

happy it is friday.
happy to have my three littles under one roof.
happy crosby is gaining weight.
happy ryan has a WEEK off! (he had taken a week two weeks before my supposed "due date" to relax and get ready for the baby...little did we know!)
just happy.

it is still hard for me to believe he could have had over 2 weeks to stay nestled inside...i am so glad we already have him here!

2011-05-17T11:30:00.000-07:00

two and a half months old and FIVE pounds!

being home is so good.

sibling love.

2011-05-16T09:39:00.000-07:00

home.

2011-05-14T18:05:00.000-07:00

i guess i didn't realize how fragmented my heart felt until we walked in the door with our three kids and i felt the breaks start to immediately mend themselves.

i feel like a thousand pounds have been lifted off of my shoulders and the constant anxiety has left my heart.

i feel like the tears that i have been holding back are finally not so near.

i feel whole again.

praise be to God.

we brought crosby home today and i am so abundantly thankful. he is still tiny, still needs oxygen and monitoring and still has some issues eating. but, i am so thankful we can work on these things at home. to be able to sit here typing with him in my lap and not in his crib at the hospital feels like heaven. i know the next few weeks will be crazy, but it will be a crazy that i relish in comparison to our past 10 weeks.

i am so thankful...

lily's wonderful friend, ainsley, made a sign for our front door.

crosby with his paraphernalia.

getting to touch crosby for the first time.

feeding him his vitamins. crosby actually has two moms when lily is around. she is adorable with him.

oh home, sweet home!

Tomorrow......Crosby's Coming Home!

2011-05-13T16:45:00.000-07:00

In honor of Crosby's homecoming, we wanted to raise money for the March of Dimes foundation who supports premature babies around the world! We have felt so blessed by the care he has received and all of the love, support and prayers from family and friends. We wanted to give back for all the other children in NICU's around the country whose families are undergoing the same struggles that we have over the last weeks.

We are going to run the Tough Mudder Virginia Run and wanted to do this in support of the March of Dimes. The March of Dimes is a global leader in the care and research of premature babies and those born with birth defects. The race itself will be challenging as neither of us have done a trail race with obstacles. It is a 10-12 mile obstacle course designed by the British Special Forces to test all around strength, stamina, grit and camaraderie. Crosby has certainly been an amazing example of strength and stamina to us in his short life and we hope to honor him in this race. It takes place at Wintergreen Ski Resort just outside of Charlottesville. Thankfully the race isn't until October so we have some time to train. If you're curious you can check out the race at www.toughmudder.com/.

We set up a website at www.firstgiving.com. Donating through this website is simple, fast and totally secure. It is also the most efficient way to support our fundraising efforts. Even if you can only contribute your prayers for Crosby and our family that would be more than enough. We love you all. The link is below

http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/ryanpsmith/greateasternendurancerunhalfmarathon

Just a reminder of how far he's come...

We love you Crosby!

::last visit::

2011-05-13T16:40:00.000-07:00

don't let crosby's expression fool you...if all goes well tonight, he will be discharged tomorrow morning!

as i was walking into the hospital this evening, i felt my eyes brimming with tears. tears that contain so many emotions. mostly gratitude for the amazing care the NICU has provided him for the last 2 1/2 months and gratitude for the amazing blessing that he is.

i am SO abundantly thankful to have just had my last visit and my last walk to my car without my son. i can hardly wait for tomorrow morning...

forward progress...

2011-05-13T11:17:00.000-07:00

yesterday, crosby had his "car seat trail." he had to prove that he could maintain his oxygen saturation for two hours in his car seat.

he looked like such a little peanut in there. he passed the trial and although he barely fits in the seat (all 4 lbs 11 oz of him!) we are thrilled that we can use it to bring him home!

then we had the pleasure of spending the night with him last night.

the NICU has two great suites set up for parents to room in prior to discharge.

although it was truly a sleepless night, it makes me feel better about bringing him home on oxygen and monitors. it was wonderful to finally spend a night with our littlest!

we are so close!

closer...

2011-05-11T17:07:00.000-07:00

today, crosby's nurse let me take his NG tube out.

it was wonderful.

look at his sweet face...it is almost free of any extra paraphernalia.

if he can eat all of his meals over the next 48 hours and gain weight, they are planning to discharge him on saturday!

hallelujah!!!!

today.

2011-05-09T18:00:00.000-07:00

yaay!!

2011-05-09T08:04:00.001-07:00

we are getting so close to crosby coming home!!

he may be discharged as early as this friday and at the latest, it should be the end of next week! hallelujah!

he completed his trial off of caffeine with no apnea or bradycardia. now he just needs to try to get off of oxygen and learn how to eat all his meals on his own.

we are so close!!!!

2011-05-07T04:07:00.000-07:00

crosby's repeat head ultrasound, hearing screen and eye exam were all normal!

praise be to God!!!